Essays
- zulu chauvinism / nationalism
- queerdom versus homosexuality versus chauvinism
- new thoughts on authenticity
- Deafness
- Whatever happened to Jabulani??
- TRUST
- GROATH ! (1991)
- Only Thirteen
- Living in this country
- thoughts on punishment - break up day 27 June 2003
- The Rainbow Serpent
- "Conversation" at a Bar.
- 80's alternative music and South Africa
- The Alternative Psyche
15
Nov
| Only Thirteen |
| Words - Essays |
| Thursday, 15 November 2007 16:07 |
| I was 13 he said ONLY thirteen!!! yes yes and...and... they made us shoot at targets targets of the enemy terrorists i was terrified!! i was thirteen! what did i know? and then I was on the border so you believed them..? what was that...what did you say.. oh nothing...nothing.. fuck brew..I didn't have a choice... what choice did we have... five years later and I was on the border (blood shot eyes widened) fuck does anybody know what was going on? (he holds his head to assuage his pain) what it is like to kill somebody? it never leaves you. weve never been allowed to tell our own story its forbidden apartheid they fucked us over while we were still young.. the education department.. and now weve been left behind.. how, how, by who, by whom? the new government...they dont want to know.. know what...? what us whities had to go through... fuck that!! you have a pen, you have paper, you have a computer write it down. nobody is stopping you do it. do it. just do it. and then he gets himself another beer... and then i saw elvis swimming in the midmar dam or something of the sort and my attention was distracted the tv has this habit of corroding attention span he had a listener and he was going to get everything he could out of it. are there no listeners around? and elvis dived in, glasses and all... and the blacks they are savages.. they are? yes yes they are... one minute you're complaining about apartheid, and now you're being idiotic. just hang on a minute.... do you not realise this is the first generation of black people that have ever had access to formalised education...as a generation....do you not realise that? and the women are way ahead of their male counterparts.. oh yeah yeah..just like the whites.. yes yes of course {mospagebreak title=Only 13. Page 2} and parents of the black youth are going through a hectic readjustment... of their daughters in particular... this young lady said to me... she said..but I dont want to go to the farm...zululand somewhere... I have to get up at 5am and walk barefoot down to the river and fetch water.. for themen....bare foot...bare foot! and its freezing cold.... and my parents think that i am gettingin touch with my history with my tradition, with my roots... i dont want to go... i dont want to go... and then something else appeared on the tiv screen ... some bmx biker doing somersaults between ramps... the boys want to be with the boys but they dont know how to... their girlfriends want to have babies and pregnancy identifies the fact that they are not gay so they both score a life is created to prove an illusion where did I go wrong.. I was so young... what could I possibly have known... but we are defined..we are defined by our past as much as we want to go into the future the past defines us.. then deal with it.... how, how do you deal with it when nobody wants to listen? then create your own audience... i walked into 330 at 4 am one morning... stone cold sober.... my fuck!! he holds his head to assuage the insanity... so? so? as long as society is fucked there will be drugs... but durban is so dead, so dead at the moment i dont know cant work out what is going on... utter utter banality... where did i go the other night? oh yes billy the bums.. my fuck...all that banality... is endless... durban has lost its edge... you mean it had an edge? no no seriously there were places to go.. there were more options.. and now...now where do you go..?? you have to come here... you have to slum it... the tv swam passed again, down into springboks scoring another try... but you give them somewhere to go and they get all iffy and uppity durban doesnt want anywhere to go they are in their absolute element right now... surely you realise that ... there can only be one gay club in durban.. create another gay club and nobody goes out.. they get confused...too scared to be seen at the new club.. too scared to be seen at the old one durban has spies everywhere... so both close down... {mospagebreak title=Only 13. Page 3} yessis...my chick..my chick went to 80's the other night... so whats wrong with that...?? shes 9 weeks pregnant brew...!! 9 weeks...im going to be a father... and shes jolling at 80's... shes bi-polar...she stopped her medication... once she found out... and she smokes... yeah yeah..but shes trying to stop that... oh yeah, so now how did this happen...?? when i first met her she was really cool.. we fucked like crazy... and then one night we decided not to use a condom... 2 weeks later she missed her period.. she bought two of those self testing kits... positive brew..POSITIVE... shes tryng to get hold of me now.. i not going to answer my cell...fuck that.. fuck im going to be a dad...!! i really hope its a boy... boy or girl im going to call him Kyrell oh wow, thats awesome... great idea... and now she's off her medication... she's fucked brew... she's off her head.. and yourself, what about your family...?? fuck, you dont want to know brew... fucked... ok...i have...four...yeah four brothers... three mothers..all the same father... but i dig my half brothers... were almost all the same age!!! oh yeah...fuck... and my dads current chick.. fuck shes only 4 years older than me..!! 4 years older than me brew...fuck.. she tunes me... hey if this doesnt work out with your father... maybe you and i should get together... fuck..brew...fuck brew... and you, what do you do... no, im a waiter.. .earn bout R3/400 a night... my brothers, theyre also all waiters.. we work at the same spot...westville.. somebody had switched off the tv somebody was switching off the pool table lights it was time to go home... hey brew...wanna get a gram...??? no...no thanks...im fine... |