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PART 1: Episode 0: AMPLEBY TRUMP
Coiled at the top of his father's epididymus, lurked one half of Ampleby Trump. As Ampleby's father shot his load, the opening of the urethra at the tip of the glans penis connected directly with the opening of the cervix, so that one half of Ampleby went whizzing through the uterus unhindered (with thousands of other sperm in that first ejaculatory spasm) and splattered against the top uterine wall. One would certainly not credit the alcohol content of the seminal fluid squeezed out through the prostate gland for giving our intrepid spermatozoid the spurt it needed, because all the other sperm were in the same matrix. Something else alerted it.
Thus, recovering quickly from this stunning occurrence, he instinctively swam left down the Fallopian tube and met his female half. This conception occurred when Ampleby's older brother was but 5 months old and another child was nowhere near the planning stage. It was a full three months later before Mrs. Trump realised she was pregnant. She then tried every manner available to rid herself of this unwanted pregnancy, but to no avail. Her second son had become embedded (contrary to the requirements of a natural implantation) within the Fallopian tube, just deep enough to escape the reach of the sunlight soap enemas. She then increased her alcohol and nicotine intake as an alternative solution to coping with her burden. Finally, and as a last measure of resignation, of accepting the inevitable, she wished the child would be a girl.
One day, in the midmorning heat of Durban's February humidity, Ampleby just fell out, skinny, underweight and fragile. They thought he would break if they washed him. His mother was silently astonished, if nothing else, that he wasn't malformed. They propped him up in one of the baby girl dresses that had been donated in preparation for his arrival and were not too sure what to do with him. Despite all prediction to the contrary, he flourished. His body had acquired the ability to make the most out of any amount of nutrition and utilise it to its best advantage. He began to put on weight, he grew healthy.
Coiled at the top of his father's epididymus, lurked one half of Ampleby Trump. As Ampleby's father shot his load, the opening of the urethra at the tip of the glans penis connected directly with the opening of the cervix, so that one half of Ampleby went whizzing through the uterus unhindered (with thousands of other sperm in that first ejaculatory spasm) and splattered against the top uterine wall. One would certainly not credit the alcohol content of the seminal fluid squeezed out through the prostate gland for giving our intrepid spermatozoid the spurt it needed, because all the other sperm were in the same matrix. Something else alerted it.
Thus, recovering quickly from this stunning occurrence, he instinctively swam left down the Fallopian tube and met his female half. This conception occurred when Ampleby's older brother was but 5 months old and another child was nowhere near the planning stage. It was a full three months later before Mrs. Trump realised she was pregnant. She then tried every manner available to rid herself of this unwanted pregnancy, but to no avail. Her second son had become embedded (contrary to the requirements of a natural implantation) within the Fallopian tube, just deep enough to escape the reach of the sunlight soap enemas. She then increased her alcohol and nicotine intake as an alternative solution to coping with her burden. Finally, and as a last measure of resignation, of accepting the inevitable, she wished the child would be a girl.
One day, in the midmorning heat of Durban's February humidity, Ampleby just fell out, skinny, underweight and fragile. They thought he would break if they washed him. His mother was silently astonished, if nothing else, that he wasn't malformed. They propped him up in one of the baby girl dresses that had been donated in preparation for his arrival and were not too sure what to do with him. Despite all prediction to the contrary, he flourished. His body had acquired the ability to make the most out of any amount of nutrition and utilise it to its best advantage. He began to put on weight, he grew healthy.
