It was the night that the earth shook.
Vito was at the bar of the gay club, Axis, situated at the beachfront in the vicinity of Addington Hospital. The bar, which ran the length of the club on one side, was raised, overlooking the dance floor. It was somewhat early in the evening (an unusual time for Vito as he preferred to arrive when things were ‘pumping’ much later) and the club was not yet full. He had just tipped the barman, when he turned around to find Derane standing with his back to him, so close, he was breathing down Derane’s neck.
At that moment the earth shuddered.
Is it at all possible to give true weight and import to such a moment?
This.
Moment.
Of…
conception?
Trepidation?
Delirium on the edge of the abyss?
Magnitude?
Something
so
physically
moving
so
immediate
so
without warning
so
casually manifested
so
insignificant and yet
so large
so much
everything
all at once
…..that it takes the breath away?
Two worlds colliding imperceptibly…imploding?
A melding?
Vito froze.
Derane gave no indication, no outward sign of being aware of Vito, or of this momentous moment. He and his friend had been scanning the dance floor, the room, eyes looking for somebody.
They both moved off.
Vito, overcome with a sense of time…
…time moving away so fast, so inexplicably, so overpoweringly as if he was in a rocket ship taking off into outer space looking back at the world getting smaller, smaller, faster, faster….the gravitational pressure forcing him backwards….riveting him to the spot…
…struggled to maintain his composure……
……then….
…….extracted himself…
……darted….
……between….
……time…..
……between….
……the moment…
……between….
……breath……
……tapped Derane on the shoulder and as calmly as he could muster, said:
“Oh yea..well…er…great to see you here…” Vito swallowed hard. His anxiousness, this flood of adrenaline? Thyroxin? Caused him to choke on his words as he felt a constriction in his throat. He was never able to comprehend this emotion-trauma-based blood-rush to his head, which seemed to be driven, sparked by a feeling of over exposure….a kind of embarrassment….a sense of absolute nakedness..….that just made him feel more embarrassed because it made his emotion seem that much more obvious….a sort of hormonal backlash….
….but he just couldn’t care anyway…..and blundered on…..trying to get past this feeling…..as the rush of the hormone/s spread through his body…into his cells… ……..compounded, not eased, his response mechanism….
….he just had to live with it…
“…I was wondering what had happened to you…since…”
‘Oh howzit…” said Derane surprised.
“So…this is…is….where you….you…..hang out?” gulped Vito.
“Not exactly….just popped in here with my friend…”
The immediate pang of this statement momentarily grounded Vito, gave him pause, a moment of focus:
“Oh, right yeah…I suppose that makes you gay friendly at least…..(turning to the friend) I know you… Well, I mean, I’ve seen you around…”
“Yeah…name’s Rane…I’ve seen you too..”
So of course, this is Rane…it had to be Rane…realised Vito internally but said directly at Derane:
“Haven’t seen you at the gym….what’s up?”
“Nah, just started going in the mornings, before work rather…..”
Vito pained. That was deliberate. They moved away.
And that was that.
Vito was shaking.
He left the club immediately. In turmoil. Unable to focus. Unable to settle. Spinning. Racing. The taxi driver seemed perturbed but said nothing.
Sleep was out of the question.
Living time is physically finite. It has a beginning and an end. And within that finiteness there are only so many things you can do with time. Time travels in waves, which while moving outwards also moves in spirals and upwards. Like a three dimensional version of the waves made when a pebble is dropped in a pool of water, but which flows both inwards and outwards, backwards and forwards.
A trans-spiral-never-static-hologram.
Infinitely inwards, infinitely outwards, infinity upwards, infinity downwards.
Mind quake,
Conception the epicentre.
It is both linear and non linear. And within that, time has a series of focuses. It is within these phases of being focused that time has import. Outside of that, time has no meaning. Which is why, when those moments come, those moments should never be squandered. And herein lies the drama of life. Some people spend all their lives outside of any need to focus. Some struggle all their lives to gain that focus, only to misspend it. Others devote their entire lives avoiding it. And there are others that do all they can to live within it.
And yet, within all of this still, within all of us, time travels at different speeds.
The deeper you are in time, in the moment, the closer you are to yourself….
…and thus…..the…….slower……..time……..travels…..